We've all been there, beating the crap out of some poor scrub claiming lag is letting your skillfully placed Sophie 1AAs beat them to a pulp...and them wham! The cheap prick grabs you! Not only that, he throws you off the fricken map! But, wait, before we send him that deserving hatemail filled with truth and educating remarks about how his mom disowns his skillless ways, read this: "SCRUB LESSONS: Grabs and Ring Outs".

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Grabs: So many new players get pissed off with grabs, so lets look at what a grab is. A grab is typically a mid speed high attack that surpasses guard that inflicts a decent sum of damage if not leads to a combo. It also has the amazing ability to laugh at any GI attempts. Not too bad. So how do we beat this ultra cheap damage making machine without summoning Warble to JI us to safety?

• LESSON 1: Well pick up your controllers and look at your A and B buttons. These magical buttons when not used to spam 1A and BB with Mitsu online can be used to get out of the grab AFTER IT LANDS! So when SSAIYINVEGETA9000<BLEACHROX is wanting to grab, you have about 20+ frames to see the move and start guessing. But wait! I'm no mind reader, how can I know what throw it is?!? Well you can't, but you can usually look at trends and stage position to figure it out. If you're opponent has an RO throw and you're set up for it, you should probably start tapping the right button to stop it. If your opponent keeps using the same grab, start hitting that. If your opponent is me and I have my sword out...mash A...because I'm gonna iCS the crap out of you till you send me hate mail that leads me to redirect you to read this. If you simply can not get your Ms. Cleo powers to cooperate with your Sherlock Holmes deducing skills, give up and pick Yoda or Apprentice.
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• LESSON 2: So you didn't pick Yoda and you can't mash A+B with Apprentice still?!? Damn...well fine. Just duck the damn thing! Yeah, despite the sheer awesomeness that a grab is, you can boggle the minds of millions by hitting 2G and foil his plot to cheat you out of your inevitably skilled win! Not only does he miss, you have time to quickly poke him in the face for his "easy button" ways. If you feel like you got this down and your first testicle has descended, try using an attack that tech crouches! Not only will you duck under and CH the bastard...you'll earn that remaining left nut! If you really want to get fancy you can replace ducking with jumping and wave those newly earned bits in their face as their grab whiffs as well...you just look a bit gay.
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• LESSON 3: You can't guess A or B in time and you're afraid to fight at crotch height to avoid it...I guess you're doomed. Or you can spaz out and try any attack under !16 and CH him. But that might involve skill and looking at the convenient wiki. But that would mean studying and training...in a fighter. Only scrubs read guides, m'right?
  
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• LESSON 4: Now some assholes think it's funny to go beyond this and grab people out of the air, crouching, or even on the ground. Because of this, Astaroth and Rock are the best characters in the game! This is largely considered true by EVERY player in tournaments and if you disagree you're stupid and probably took some dumbass advice to go and play Yoda. This lesson is all about how to take it while still having democratic rights to which hole they abuse. To fight this, your only option is to magically know the setups on where these can connect. If it's guaranteed follow up like Rock's CH 6K, 3A_B+G, just accept it and guess. If it's a mixup keep track of trends and study the better option. Usually you can mash a button or do something and lock out the better option. But you're not completely unarmed. You can bait them into what's called "flower picking". Generally all crouch/ground throws are punishable on whiff so it's very easy to lay down or crouch and bait them. When they go for it abort faster than a teen needing to fit her prom dress in a month and stand up and use what ever move you like. This will teach spammers to be 100% sure it's gonna land and to not just throw it out there. As well you should mash A or B with your counter attack in case the throw does land it will give you a 50/50. As for air throws you're just fucked. You can't guess A or B or even JI. However, most air throws are as slow as normal throws or slower so they can hardly be used on reaction unless you're playing Talim like Peter Pan. If you're jumping, consider making it your fastest tech jumping attack so that you have a good shot of hitting them first.
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• LESSON 5: Crazy idea now...grab back? Most grab happy fanatics induce a hypnotizing ray to trick you into forgetting you too can combine the A and G button or even the B and G button to do a throw yourself! This lures the victim into the trap of only using one button at a time for normal attacks and allowing grabs to be a one sided affair. But if you focus you can pull through and do the same thing back to him and throw his cheap ass by hitting a whopping 2 buttons yourself! And there's absolutely no way in hell he'll have the info you just obtained to stop it. Remember throws are broke as hell, so use it first. It'll save you valuable time writing hate mail about the incident and force them to write it for you. You can read the letter you would've sent them seconds later and know that they understand fully your thoughts on the matter since you made them write it. This shows epic understanding of the game and displays dominance by having the other player preach your own philosophy to you.

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Ring Outs: You've probably been fighting some scrub and are wrecking them with repeated Cervy 4B+Ks and BBB strings and are going in for the kill when the coward steps your money shot and then throws you off the edge. That bitch! I mean come on! I was winnin and...and...c'mon! Grabs are one thing, but NOTHING is worse than being rung out. For some reason the people at Namco thought it would be a great idea to have different levels that required different spacing tactics to play around. Namco's stupid, we want nothing but wall stages so wall splat characters can benefit more. So how to avoid it...

• LESSON 1: Well with some moves there's a crazy term called "safety". Apparently Namco felt like being dicks and sabotaged numerous attacks by making them unsafe on block. This means that if they block it, the other player can hit you! As well they made nearly every attack negative on block. This means that when you get blocked, the coward turtling in front of you recovers quicker, giving them an unfair shot to hit you before your next attack can skillfully slice them in half. These pussies have gotten this inside info and play by waiting till your Astaroth's 66AB gets blocked...and then cheap shotting you off the edge. They'll wait for days to win like this...it's sick really. But you can beat the bastards by using safe attacks and blocking when you're at a bad disadvantage after block. With their top secret info compromised they'll be forced to play the game like a normal person and lose once they realize they have no skills. Good job!
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• LESSON 2: You fucked up again? Are you falling off the edge for them? Well try this. Apparently there's a blind spot for these shenanigans. If you look closely there are angles they can't get you on. Poor Ivy can only RO you forward and backward mainly if she's stupid enough to sit in sword mode. She also has to be right up on you unless she goes for a bullshitty A+B. So if you stand with her sides facing the edges not only will you not get RO'd, the player will be forced to run around like a headless chicken till you line up for an RO. You can use this strategy on all the characters! Each one has only a few ways they can RO you and many moves even telegraph since they're slow and stupid. You can even push it further by standing in position so all the attacks carry you inward! Nightmare's 1A6KK becomes completely useless if it doesn't RO, so use this lots. With the power of geometry these mathtards will be wondering why A+G =/= RO.
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• LESSON 3: So you stayed in the center and you played safer than a kid with 3 condoms on and you still fell off the fuckin map? I suggest equipping your custom character with a bike helmet and a drool bag, but if stylish solutions aren't your fix you to can also be a dick. Unknown to many, the ring out is a double edged sword. When an opponent is deviously plotting your falling demise, they're actually vulnerable to falling into their own trap. You can easily wreck these cunts by breaking your shield of geometry angles and standing in RO range. Now skillfully select one of your many "safe" attacks and quickly guard. The scrub will be so aroused by the RO possibility that they'll leap forward to end you and go about their day of baby raping, but then fail to realize they've just used an unsafe attack. Using all your willpower fight the urge to not be a dick. Because at that moment you need to be a dick. You are the dick. And being the dick you need to press a button that will RO them. It'll look uncannily similar to Smeagle falling into the Crack of Doom. Don't feel bad, there's nothing wrong with dick on dick action...you're just quicker...than that...other dick. Hmmm maybe the shortbus attire was a better option...

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Well we've learned a lot today. We've learned that grabs and ring outs are cheap and using a grab to ring out is comparable to giving a nun aids, but we've also learned there are ways to fight this and maybe...just maybe...with this super top secret info that no decent player is ever aware of...we can beat these skillless scrubs...except Hilde...seriously what's up with that bitch!?? *que Zero Punctuation outro theme*

[Author's note] - Some may notice all instances of said scrub are declared a "he". This does not imply girls do not "calibur". One could assess anyone using grabs and ring outs is a walking vagina, but that would be offensive to all females, and last I checked those are good. So we men bare the burden of all nameless scrubs via gender as a statement of forgotten chivalry to not tarnish the name of many positive forms of walking vagina.

You use Ivy, Asty, and NM, of course you love grabs and ROs. >.>

But yeah, nice enough vent thread.

Wall of text. Do not want.

i forgive the wall of text because he said 'bike helmet and drool bag'

eyes.... bleeding

you forgot throw also has 100% tracking except some glitches.

Theres no real need to detect Ivy stance too, comand grabs can be broken on reaction I think.

Despite this wall of super informative text it's not necessarilly for you to read but to direct others to in the event a "hatemail" is transferred during some sort of online duel.

Though i do heavily suggest picking one lesson and reading it if the wall of text is that scary. I particularly fancy Grabs: Lesson 4.

You gotta remember that online scrubs have worse ADD than your normal forum folk.



They'll immediately forget to come here and read this.



In the end they'll complain that you had more than one complete sentence without spacing it like this.



Because, we all know that the best kind of reading is when there's a lot of empty space. I love my country lol

Nice read. Peppered with a nice amount of humor, too. Though, honestly, that is the least wall-of-texty wall of text I've ever seen. It even comes with several headings to break it up if you don't want to read the whole thing.

What am I missing? That is not at all a wall of text. It's spaced nicely with acceptable grammar and a little humor. I like it. Oh, and I learned something, too. :)

Brilliant wall of text.
Really fun to read. Good job Fanboy!

Word.
Well done.

Shh... We're not supposed to realize that it's NOT a wall of text.

that introduction with warble JI'ing us to safety just owned me xD man i can't stop laughing xD

Tempted to do a write up on spamming and lag tactics.

can I just point out that grabs can be guard impacted but it has to be perfectly timed(i.e when u get the red flash). also its not so hard to shake grabs just tap any of ur trigger buttons either which has combination buttons set up. U will get used to what button stops what grab if u go on practice.

#claymore

thist topic describes how to survive without warble JI'ing us to safety, because he is the only one able to just impact in such situation xD:D

choosing either shitphitia or shitssandra is a decent lag tactic xD

After reading the zero punctuation line I reread your post in the critic's austrailian accent and imagining his silly pictures. It fits surprisingly well.

You know putting on more than one condom at a time puts you at a greater risk of those condoms slipping off during coitus, right?

Nice tutorial. Ducking under high grabs? Who knew XP.

bullshit! *itch itch*